Pressed in to Pressing on. Out of the box and on with the walk.

     Sunday's service was about healing. Basically about living the full life that God has given to us. It's been awhile since I've been fully in service. See, as I've mentioned before I've been taking the membership course at Third Day on Wednesdays. This coming Wednesday is the last class. It's been great, but this next step, as with all steps closer to living fully for God, has brought up different attacks from the enemy. I've just been pressed in. That's what I pulled out of the services. Pastor was talking about being oppressed and even depressed. It made me think on the picture I had of that box in August.

     I started sketching out the different pressures that keep us, or at least me, in that box. Mostly it was me and the enemy attacking my many weaknesses - through doubts, fears, pains, expectations others have for me, my own expectations, and my own plans. How quickly I forget to put on the full armour of God and see the world fractally through Him. I'll be really honest with you - I don't often struggle in situations - my life works, and I haven't suffered through different problems - it's just been surfacely good. That's guilt inducing, because when I do struggle, it's internally and I always feel horrible about struggling against nothing, even though it is much to me. Growing in God is painful and I'll never say that the Christian walk is easy, but it's always worth it. It's painful in the moment - there's no denying that, but always we can look back and see the growth in our walks. I look back at my life before God and am astounded. Every time. I don't know how I survived, but for His hand in my life and in the moments I grasped for Him without even knowing Him. But again, since I've been saved not much has changed surfacely. I have changed - can't even tell you or express how much, but still, I want to be more in Him. Isn't that what living for God is all about? In all times and all seasons I will live for God. By putting on the armour daily we protect that choice. I need to pray all the time - all through my day, so that it's His instead. I don't want to forget these things, so as this year comes to a close, I'm going to press onward - out of the box - and put an increased effort into putting on God's armour. I'm going to declare it daily, because He heals all of us fully - and I need to remind myself to let Him and to protect the works He has done, is doing, and will do in me. I am His.

Ephesians 6:10-18
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints"

--> Such encompassing verses. To live like this is to move forward, such as the verse of this year. Taking it up more determinedly:

Philippians 3:13-14
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

--> That's the only kind of pressing I want to do.

Position.

     It's been awhile. Quite awhile... well... quite awhile for a writer to not write. I've always thought of myself as a writer, a reader, a word person, a storyteller. I've always been protective of those titles though. Never wanted to say them out loud. Never have. I always deemed it as 'too risky' to share... too close to the vest... always needed to protect my identity... who I am inside the bubble of what I appear to be. I do that with pretty much everything... it's one of the things that makes living for Christ so difficult. See, He loves the real me... He made the real me... then I stepped in. I protected, changed, and lost. He whittles us down though - He's not really a fan of fluff and stuff. He gets us down to a child of His - that's when we can really live and love like Jesus. I never really connected that with the whole hopes and dreams bandwagon, but it's a total God tandem...  as with everything in this fractal world. There are things that have been put aside, others that have been put down, and still more that have been railroaded for my protection. I'm getting ahead of myself... too far.

     Tonight I wanted to write something small, but something big too. See, I've been struggling with some stuff lately - stuff that is small that I've let get big. It's important, but actually not. This has all been my preface (sorry about that). Lately I think I've just let them hit hard - and refused to deal. Tonight though, I had too. In the membership course at the Church. Not that I had too, don't get the wrong idea about that (:0), but that it was time I started to deal. I did. I still am. It'll take some time. Anyways, in confronting some things, God gave me a picture in my head, actually it was a reel. It was me in a house, lying on the ground, looking up through this telescopic window (?). I was looking at the stars, or at least I was trying too, but the light pollution was too bad. The lens just kept zooming closer, until I finally (like after a reaaaaallllllly long time) got a clear picture of those stars. At first I tried to analyze the scene... I failed... I always do that way, because there's no way I could know. Then, God just told me. I was where I put myself and the zoomed close-up version... that was where He wanted me. He's working on that... mostly because I'm finally letting Him. One step at a time.

     I really didn't want to write this. I really didn't want to think. I really distracted myself from Church until now so that I wouldn't have to write this... so that I could pull a 'I have to sleep' excuse out. He really wouldn't let me. So, all I can tell you is that God's working and all I can really share are the three verses that hit me hardest today:

2 Corinthians 11:14
"And it is no wonder, for satan himself masquerades as an angel of the light"

--> I've been praying about this - about the light pollution that I saw. See, light pollution is man-made, and it only masks. It reminded me of the follies of the world - of the things we attempt to do without Him and of the things we try to let take God's place... none of which will produce anything capable of even withstanding His presence, or any fruit of any kind. This I know - satan cannot create, at most, he can deceive, but getting close to God, means shedding those lies, because:

John 1:4-5

"In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light shines on in the darkness, for darkness has never overpowered it [put it out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it]."

--> Just wow.

As for the last one - Pastor Edith gave us these sheets with verses about God's Glory Light, and this was the first on the list:

Genesis 1:16

"And God made the two great lights- the greater light (the sun) to rule the day and the lesser light (the moon) to rule the night. He also made the stars. 

--> I didn't read that verse until after. Stars have always been important to me. I always thought of God when I looked at them. As early as I can remember, I remember that. I love them. They've been promises to me. This verse reminded me of that. I can see the sun and the moon so clearly, whenever I wish, but not so with the stars... there's a timing about them... a lining up... a fractalness.  To me, this verse holds the wonders of what He'll show us... if we let Him. 

Words out. I am getting some shut eye this early early morning.

Oh... and here's that 'God and light and warmth' triumph video I love... just because... I'll post this again and again...