More Than Halfway There! (spiritually for sure; physically: exactly 1 day to go)

     So, tonight's service was crazy awesome. Just full of God. What an absolute hit. It hit hard, then it uplifted. By the end, my constant prayer was that the extra measure given to us be like a weight that would be physically felt. That it would push us further into awe and just put in us a spirit of obedience. Then, that we would be raised up on that foundation by the fresh fire Pastor was praying for. It really was a service to grasp onto. I loved it. I always try to start my time with God by praying for His Word to write itself on my heart so that I can know and recognize Him. Pastor called to that tonight. He asked us to firmly plant what God is doing in us. To rest on it. To push in it. To grow. I felt the weightiness of that moment; You couldn't not. We're a church poised for action.

Poised: Steady, in readiness, assured, having an elegant bearing

--> Those are the worldly definitions for poised. Can you imagine knowing the definition of His call to action? We're learning it right now, with every moment we give to Him. I know not the plans He has, but we are most assuredly living in a time of preparation.

Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans that I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"

--> He's got them covered.

     The service was about working through this year of transition. Pastor talked about how on Friday, we're officially halfway to 2012. About what that means. About how we've made it to this point. About how NOW is the time that makes or breaks us. We've made it this far, now is the time for a change. Now is the time for the push. Now is the time we give to God. Now is when we put things in His Hands. Now is the time we put ourselves aside. Now is the time we stand on guard (halfway point: Canada Day - that's just awesome). Now is the time to walk His path. Now is the time to surrender ourselves to Him and Him alone. It was also about how now is the time to leave the past behind to change. To transition in our verse of the year.

Philippians 3:12-14
"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

     What a push! Then, he spoke about the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). About the transitions made through the story. How the first half of the story is about the son living his way, prodigally, sinfully, carnally, and basically living a wasted life. About how the second half of the story is him returning with a repentant heart. He returned to serve, he put himself aside, and the acceptance he found was amazing. Too amazing; Too hard for us to grasp. It's something so of God.

     Tonight we grasped onto God. Really grasped onto God. Grasped onto Him as HE IS, not as how we would have Him be. We can't pigeon-hold God. He can't fit into any box I can make. I need to stop trying. I need to accept Him for Him. He is all that is good; I know that. Still though, I struggle with what He has for me. I have trouble just accepting what He does. That He could love me. He does though. He loves every single one of us. We just need to know Him. To live for Him. To love Him. To live in His love, in His light, in His truth, and just in Him. In Him. In Him alone.

     Tonight, we reached out. When we reach for God He's there. Always. We just need to finish the year by continually reaching for Him. It's the only way to complete anything. Living for Him - It's the only way to be whole. The rest of the days of this year I'll live for Him as I never have before. I want that not just for the year, but for always. Forever. Continually. Towards the "upwards call of of God in Christ Jesus". We'll keep transitioning. I don't want to stop moving towards Him.

The song of the service. I love it:

It was an amazing service. Grasp it:
It's The Second Half! June 29th, 2011

The Ease of Choosing Faith.

     Faith in God is something that we have to choose daily. We have to work against our flesh and against the world, and choose to instead take up the life Jesus died to give us. His lifeblood is over us. It's a difficult choice. The title of this post is not to show faith as easy, but to talk about how much easier it is to choose faith nowadays. We have so many opportunities to choose Him. So many areas where we can recognize God's hand in our lives. What a gift.

     In reading my dailies, I came across the story of Naaman. It affected me greatly. There was a line in it that peaked my interest:

2 Kings 5:17
"And Naaman said, If not yet, I pray thee, let there be given to thy servant two mules; burden of earth; for thy servant will henceforth offer neither burnt-offering nor sacrifices unto other gods, but unto Jehovah."

     Naaman was at first offended by what he determined to be Elisha's disinterest, and probably disrespect, but still he followed the Prophet's advice and was healed of leprosy. He then proclaimed the truth of the Lord. He offered Elisha gifts, which were refused (that was interesting too - timing of acceptance), then asked for earth. I just didn't understand why he took the earth with him. I asked Nenners and she researched it out. Naaman knew the truth of God, but also knew that He was the God of Israel. As such, he took the earth to sacrifice on. He wanted to live for God, but couldn't do that in a land that didn't belong to Him. What a faith. Verse 18 talks about how Naaman will face difficulties in the land he will return to. He proclaims in verse 17 that he will not live for any other god, but he asks to be forgiven for following his earthly king. Then Elisha responds to him, saying:

2 Kings 5:19
"And he said unto him, Go in peace. So he departed from him a little way."

     To me, this parting was a covering for Naaman. He had made his belief in God known and his heart was strong in Him. God knew that, knew him. I had a covering when I first came to God. It was precious to me in so many ways and was with me in so many different situations. The timing of it was so important; It was His.

     I feel like this story shows the difficulty in following God. Naaman was covered, and that is so important, but he also needed to bring the physical land of Israel with him. He did so because he felt unworthy in his own land. It wasn't God's land. We live now, not in land, but in Jesus. He sacrificed Himself for us. Then, on the third day, He rose again. He gave His people the Holy Spirit. Then, He gave all people, who knew Him, the Holy Spirit. He opened the truth to the gentiles. To us. That is the gift of today. The ease of faith. The gift of choosing Him every single day. That is why living nowadays is a amazing, because we can live FULLY in Him.

     Choosing faith is difficult; It's also easy. It's unexplainable. We have to actively choose Him, but it's the choice of a lifetime. He loves us. He gives us so much. He gave us life, then He gave us the life of His only Son. We live in Him. He is good. I love Him muchly.

Acts 15:8-9
"And God, Who knoweth the heart, bare them witness, giving them the Holy Spirit, even as He did unto us; and He made no distinction between us and them, cleansing their hearts by faith."

--> Wow. He's for everyone. He's for us. Praise God!

THIS IS MY EVEN 100th POST! I like that. I like evens. I'm going to have a hard time breaking that. I'm a little Monkish sometimes. Hmmm... I'll start working towards it.

Publicly Funny.

I'm pretty sure my sister just leaked the existence of my under-wraps, top secret, second blog. Oh dear, I was with her when she did it the first time. Her whole body language told me she was creating trouble. It felt like she was shaking... and I was across the room. Then, she admitted it and started laughing. I got her to take it down. Then, seeing as she shared a post with an embarrassing story about her, I let her make her own choice. Apparently she's chosen to overcome her popcorn inadequacies, and risk social isolation, because my viewers went through the roof. Readers of this blog, it was to be revealed to you first, but life doesn't always work as planned. I never should have given her a preview, but I accept the consequences. I'm not at all caught up in it, I've actually hit the limits of postings you can make without possibly being a computer (I've been questioned), so here is the unfinished work of my humorous side:

THE SECRET ONE

And here is Nenner's Blog, 'That I May Dwell', because she shared mine without sharing hers.

The Girl in the Drawer. Choosing ways to grow. Past & Present & Future: He is there.

     Ottawa gave me writing withdrawal pains, so prepare yourself for many posts. I have a tendency to store up my words. I keep them and then unleash them on the world. It's why I'm both a non-talker and a non-stop talker. Either way, here I go.

     I mentioned before that I felt small this week. It was hard. I started thinking about Robert Munsh's 'The Boy in the Drawer'. I don't like all Munsch books ('I'll Love You Forever' gave me nightmares - install an alarm system grown-up child), but I still love the ones I grew up on. I loved 'The Boy in the Drawer'. It's about a boy who grew when he was insulted and shrunk when dealt with in kindness, with love. Let me tell you something, feeling small brings on big emotions. Then the problems start. I took some time to think about those the big emotions associated with feeling small. I started thinking Munsch-ly. I started thinking about the sides of stories. I started thinking about truth.

     In the beginning, the main character is frustrated with the boy and, in trying to get rid of him, manages to grow him bigger. We do that with mistakes and situations and even with people. We're working on our own is why it happens. Not so good. Knowing that it's not so good though, that's a good lesson. Still, I learned more for the other side, from the shrinking. And since I struggled with feeling small, I'll share from his side. The boy had a hard time of it. I think if we're really honest, we have a tendency to live like he does. He shrinks when he's vulnerable. He retreats. He retreated himself right out of existence. I feel like that's possible for us. We can hide all that we are. I don't want that.

     I protect myself. Always have. Always hid. Lied to hide. Lived for it. In it. In pain. It wasn't my job though, it's something I took on thinking of myself. I have an advocate in Jesus. I'm loved, protected, and cherished by God. I'm pushed to grow in Him. 'I'll Love you Forever' creeps me out because it represents a big, all-consuming parental love. I'm not a parent, but I am a daughter, so hold on please. I just feel like there's something off in the kind of love described. I get wanting to give your children everything, but if you don't know God, then filling them with everything you have leaves you empty. Then, it leaves you alone, as they start to do the exact same thing with their own children. God refreshes, replenishes, and refills. It would be hard to let children grow and mature without that breath of God, without that steadying and strengthening touch. I think the book is about holding on too tightly. That's not how He loves. He gives us the freedom to choose Him, to make mistakes, and even to walk away from Him. He expects a lot, but He doesn't control us. He lets us seek out His presence willingly. I love that.

     These Munsch ramblings are just that, ramblings. I set forth in them to recognize where I'm at in things. We all face good times and bad times, but we choose whether or not we'll grow. We choose our attitudes and our actions every single day. I choose to let Him push me to grow through both the good and the bad. That changes everything because it changes us so completely. We put Him in the centre and He takes the core of us and starts the lifelong process that is His work in us. I need to constantly remind myself to work with Him. I need to always let Him in. Even when I screw up, especially when I screw up. Otherwise, how would He fix me. He lets us choose. He'll stand back as long as he has to, then He'll rush to us the moment we let Him. I learn lessons over and over again. Stubbornly. One of them is that I can't make things perfect. I can't fix anything without Him. He needs to be in everything. It's the only way I can truly exist. Funny sounding, but oh so true to me.

Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."

--> I've been dwelling on those words the past couple of days. I know it's a time of narrowing. We can't fit through His path while we're trying to hold on to the world. We can't fit when we carry things, our burdens, with us. We can only fit when we let Him lead, or rather, when we choose to follow; When we choose to take our hands off of things and let His order reign. God's ways are ordered; Loving, perfect, complete, and whole. Why do we constantly choose chaos? Why would we rather live in the despair of separation from Him, than in His comfort? The worldly me is not worth that, I have nothing of worth, of Him, in that pain. I find everything worth anything in Him. My life is in His hands. My joy is in Him. My past pointed the way to Him. My present life is with Him. My future will be found in living for Him.

Small Spaces vs Bigger Places & Moments

     As I've mentioned before, my parents are moving into a condo. The house that they've lived in for 14 years, and me for 13 years, has been sold. Went down to help them out a bit. Didn't have much to do at all. Still, some things caught me off guard. Not a particle of my things remained. My room was clear and re-painted. It was so empty that when I coughed before I went to sleep it echoed. Crazy. It was weird. I know that the common phrase is that things look smaller when you go back to them, when you're older, but some things were bigger to me. The kitchen dwarfed me in its emptiness. I couldn't turn out some of the lights in the basement, because I wasn't tall enough. I had to ask tall people to step in - I felt like I was 3. My room felt bigger. Everyone felt smaller though. Not that anyone was - these are the people in my life. I can't really explain it - it was like everything was condensed. That's probably not going to make sense. Sorry. Still. Either way, the people fit, but the place didn't. I don't think it ever did. I hated the house since the first time I set foot in it. I was upset that they bought it. I spent some time this week determining if there was a place or a part of it that I liked. There wasn't. It's a beautiful house. It's not a beautiful home. That's what I set my foot towards in that first entry step. My home is found in God. It took a lot of mistakes before I could claim that. Houses fail. People fail. Our dreams, our plans, fail. His don't ever fail. Ever. I fit wholly only in His presence. Only when I'm existing in His presence. 

     Moments was another thing I struggled with this week. I'm not an event person, I'm a consistent one. I like moments with people. I blame my sisters. I got to know Nenners slowly while she tutored me in French and shared books and book conversations with me. I got to know Seb by being around her, watching movies, and sharing funny times and stories. I think it was Tate that made me a moments person though. I was in University when I started spending time with her. She was on mat leave and would pick me up to do errands with her. No matter what we had to do or where we had to go she would take exactly 3 hours. Hilarious. I like knowing that I got to know her during ordinary errands. Either way, my sisters showed me that relationships aren't built on events and only fun things; They have them, but they're not supposed to be built on them. Time. Patience. Knowing the person and not the front. That's what I go for with everyone now. It's hard. It's takes a lot of effort, time, strength, and love. It's so much easier to pretend to know people, but that's not caring for them. It's not even caring about them. It's about self. It's not the right way. Don't be a people pleaser, that's about living with a front. Drop it. Don't go along to go along. Don't throw people to the curb. Know them, then love them with the Holy Spirit glasses on. See the good and the bad clearly. Truthfully. Be responsible with those truths. I struggled with moments this weekend because I miss moments with the people here. I miss everyone here, but I miss the moments most. I miss unscheduled time. I miss the cores of my family and friends. 

This was my last time in the house. Weird.

Here are my Ottawa Kidlets:

 NOUGAT:

LEE JUNIOR:

FRANNIE:

The Trip Mash-up:

Nieceamine vs The Braces.

Long battle. Victor: Nieceamine! Yay! She's so excited! I got text updates from the chair. So funny! Way to go Nieceamine! You rocked the train tracks, then kicked them to the curb! Now, go and lick your smooth teeth for a month and settle into your pearly whites!

Hey you! When I get back - Gilmore Girls singalong. Also, we have to finally watch Master of Disguise. While you were in the chair, I was singing 'I want to be a master of disguise'. I was singing it in a funny voice. Out loud. One time, it sounded like I was saying 'I want to be the master of the skeez' - not true - good thing I didn't work today, or I would have said that there. All that to say, we must watch it so I can get the song and dancing turtles out of my head! 'Now I going to have to go on youtube and look at videos of turtles for the rest of the day!' Love you bracesless one. Have fun times!

Mister Giggles.

Apparently, my incommudicado existence begins when I get into the car to Ottawa and no sooner. In thinking about leaving for a week, I knew I was going to put up a Nieceamine moment, then I thought about how much I'd miss all of my neices and nephews. Since I birthday shouted out Mr. Si and pain shouted out Sunshine, I wanted to say something about my other one of the littles, who's always getter bigger, Mister Giggles.

This kid is funny. Since the moment I met him, I've been taken in by his funny. He has the best giggle. When he laughs with everything he's got, you can't just half laugh. You join him fully. He started with hilarious toothbrushedness, with those 'BAM' commercials. I think for me though, it was the dancing. The kid was dance. He doesn't go full out anymore, but as a 2 year old he didn't really care about an audience, he was exactly himself. I think I spent most of my sister Tate's wedding reception hilarious dancing with him and the rest of the kids.

One of the other things I love about him is his voice. When he sings seriously he seriously sings. I love his favourite song not just for itself but because he loves it. He's a game changer this one. All of my nieces and nephews are. He's the type of kid you love fiercely. You love him with everything and then you get a glimpse of the full out person that he is. Wow. He's super smart too. He remembers everything. He used to play video games, like intense stories with lots of instructions, and before he could read at all, he would memorize every bit of the game world.

He's a worker too. He has amazing focus. Set him on any project and he'll work with all he has. He's a helper too. You give this boy a project too small, he'll come to you and let you know how much more he can do. He can do so much. I can't wait to see him grow up and be a tall and strong and cool man of God. I love Mister Giggles and I'll miss him even in the 6 days I'm gone. It's an aunt thing.

Loved fiercely. Hugged against his will - what we loved him okay?

This kid IS funny!

Who is this? Hilarious. It was so funny and he looks like a stranger. 

He's a cool one. Look at that smile.

His picture of his bible. Photography skill. 

The smooth man himself! Ready for anything.

The reason for his nickname: