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| This one is quite obviously black... but the blue one looks the same excepting a tiny blue loop. |
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Instruments of...
Writing. I love writing. One of my biggest pet peeves happens to be horrible pens.... I hate them. Especially when you get them in a row - this one doesn't work... try another... no go. I hit my limit at 4 in a row just the other day. Today I went on a pen hunt. The classic old fashioned all blue Papermate is my go to favourite. I got them... but I also decided to venture into the unknown... I saw the Sharpie brand... I love Sharpie's... then I saw the magnificent new Sharpie blue pen! It writes perfectly! It doesn't go through the paper! It doesn't smudge easily (which is good because I'm such a messy writer... I get pen everywhere)! It's the best colour ever! I like. Actually I love, so while this post may seem a little crazy - I write it because a blog's about writing too... and sometimes writing in the actual world wins... today this new pen assured that. It comes in 10 colours... I want them all... well... maybe I don't... maybe I just want to stay in the blue zone... classically awesome...
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Sunday, 15 January 2012
En Route
Okay - so remember how I cut it pretty close with the train yesterday? Well, it freaked me out to be so close to the time, so I had Nenners not even try to make it after the halfway point - because even if I'd have made it I knew that I'd still be stressed.
My mom texted me early this morning - that train broke down en route. 6 hours. Standstill. No bathrooms (an Armstrong-side nightmare that affects us all). They were finally bussed into Ottawa. I would have gotten in relatively close to midnight. This morning the trains got combined (that almost always happens) and I got onto like the nicest train ever. I was so excited. Like a kid - that kind of excited. Just about God's favour.
Then I had a moment of pure terror. Of 'what bad thing is going to happen to make up for this' and 'what is He preparing me for'. Isn't that stupid? It's how I've always thought, or rather, how I've always lived. Always on the lookout for that cliff. Always protecting myself from so much that I've let myself box out even the good. Always closed. That's how I had to live without Him. It's how I survived through the trappings of my own mind.
It's how I lived without Him... before.
Before Him. He's calling me out of that. I still protect myself in so many ways. I don't acknowledge that He protects me, or at least I didn't. I will now. I'm currently praying against my mindsets. Logically I'm thinking that since it took me 24 years to get this boxed in, it will take the same amount of time for me to get out of it. That's my plan not His. Who am I to determine His timing? Especially because His timing is so evident in my story, in all of our stories. Intricately weaved together with those around us. Fractally purposed.
If this year is about walking in Kingdom Authority then shouldn't I step closer to that? Shouldn't I trust Him and trust in the works He is trying to do in me? Shouldn't I protect those more than I should myself? I want to be more like that. I want a faith that is not afraid of change. I want one that is forever growing. Like when I wrote about evergrowth... I love that the things He gives me make sense altogether, but only when He reminds or reveals them to me.
Maybe accepting small things is easy for you. Maybe accepting the good things is like breathing for you, just there for the action... but maybe you're like me instead. Maybe you can't see a gift as something simple. Maybe you can't accept anything. It is a struggle to be there, but I'm glad I'm coming through it - that I'll know what it means to accept. That I'll be thankful, that I'll be changed, because I want to be far from where I was when I couldn't even accept God. I couldn't accept Him simply because He was willing to accept me. Maybe you've been there or are there now. That was my struggle in salvation. I wasn't worth it. I grasped it feeling that way, but I took it. That grab, that lifeline, changed everything. All at once, but I didn't know that it was all at once. That's stubbornness. I thought salvation took time. That I could earn it. The things that changed are still being revealed to me on a daily basis. And He's adding to them. You know why it took so long? The scope of all He did is unfathomable. He did so much in me that one moment that I am only now realizing. That I am only now accepting.
That's true of what He is doing in me today too. I may not know how important today is until tomorrow. Or even until many tomorrows have come and gone. But it'll come. We are programmed to learn. We can try to refuse it, but there's no lasting way to stop the truth. We all know God is real. We do. Every person knows that, whether they'll admit it or not. Why else would living 'my way' terrify us. Why else would people deaden themselves through drugs and addictions or even simply distract themselves? It's to distract themselves from pain with pain. Its the pain of separation we feel from being far from God. That's why Christians can feel that pain too - because one step away from God hurts us more than anything. We know Him, know His Son, and know the Holy Spirit through our daily relationship, through our faith. We know. The key is letting that knowing affect our steps. With that Kingdom Authority represented by the key of the house of David. The verse of this year.
Isaiah 22:22
"And the key of the house of David will I lay upon his shoulder; and he shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open."
--> This is the year for that. I'm believing in it. Setting myself upon the Word.
It may seem silly that a nice train affected me in such a way. That it spurned me into neverending prose, but my prose is my praise. It's how I glorify the works of God in my life. It's how I fractally
Psalms 3:3-4
"But thou, O Jehovah, art a shield about me; My glory and the lifter up of my head. I cry unto Jehovah with my voice, And he answereth me out of his holy hill."
--> I am not my shield. He is my shield. This year I will focus on remembering that daily. I will declare it. I have many responsibilities in God. I am one of them, but not in that way. I am His. It's time to trust. To grow in that. To walk in that.
My mom texted me early this morning - that train broke down en route. 6 hours. Standstill. No bathrooms (an Armstrong-side nightmare that affects us all). They were finally bussed into Ottawa. I would have gotten in relatively close to midnight. This morning the trains got combined (that almost always happens) and I got onto like the nicest train ever. I was so excited. Like a kid - that kind of excited. Just about God's favour.
Then I had a moment of pure terror. Of 'what bad thing is going to happen to make up for this' and 'what is He preparing me for'. Isn't that stupid? It's how I've always thought, or rather, how I've always lived. Always on the lookout for that cliff. Always protecting myself from so much that I've let myself box out even the good. Always closed. That's how I had to live without Him. It's how I survived through the trappings of my own mind.
It's how I lived without Him... before.
Before Him. He's calling me out of that. I still protect myself in so many ways. I don't acknowledge that He protects me, or at least I didn't. I will now. I'm currently praying against my mindsets. Logically I'm thinking that since it took me 24 years to get this boxed in, it will take the same amount of time for me to get out of it. That's my plan not His. Who am I to determine His timing? Especially because His timing is so evident in my story, in all of our stories. Intricately weaved together with those around us. Fractally purposed.
If this year is about walking in Kingdom Authority then shouldn't I step closer to that? Shouldn't I trust Him and trust in the works He is trying to do in me? Shouldn't I protect those more than I should myself? I want to be more like that. I want a faith that is not afraid of change. I want one that is forever growing. Like when I wrote about evergrowth... I love that the things He gives me make sense altogether, but only when He reminds or reveals them to me.
Maybe accepting small things is easy for you. Maybe accepting the good things is like breathing for you, just there for the action... but maybe you're like me instead. Maybe you can't see a gift as something simple. Maybe you can't accept anything. It is a struggle to be there, but I'm glad I'm coming through it - that I'll know what it means to accept. That I'll be thankful, that I'll be changed, because I want to be far from where I was when I couldn't even accept God. I couldn't accept Him simply because He was willing to accept me. Maybe you've been there or are there now. That was my struggle in salvation. I wasn't worth it. I grasped it feeling that way, but I took it. That grab, that lifeline, changed everything. All at once, but I didn't know that it was all at once. That's stubbornness. I thought salvation took time. That I could earn it. The things that changed are still being revealed to me on a daily basis. And He's adding to them. You know why it took so long? The scope of all He did is unfathomable. He did so much in me that one moment that I am only now realizing. That I am only now accepting.
That's true of what He is doing in me today too. I may not know how important today is until tomorrow. Or even until many tomorrows have come and gone. But it'll come. We are programmed to learn. We can try to refuse it, but there's no lasting way to stop the truth. We all know God is real. We do. Every person knows that, whether they'll admit it or not. Why else would living 'my way' terrify us. Why else would people deaden themselves through drugs and addictions or even simply distract themselves? It's to distract themselves from pain with pain. Its the pain of separation we feel from being far from God. That's why Christians can feel that pain too - because one step away from God hurts us more than anything. We know Him, know His Son, and know the Holy Spirit through our daily relationship, through our faith. We know. The key is letting that knowing affect our steps. With that Kingdom Authority represented by the key of the house of David. The verse of this year.
Isaiah 22:22
"And the key of the house of David will I lay upon his shoulder; and he shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open."
--> This is the year for that. I'm believing in it. Setting myself upon the Word.
It may seem silly that a nice train affected me in such a way. That it spurned me into neverending prose, but my prose is my praise. It's how I glorify the works of God in my life. It's how I fractally
Psalms 3:3-4
"But thou, O Jehovah, art a shield about me; My glory and the lifter up of my head. I cry unto Jehovah with my voice, And he answereth me out of his holy hill."
--> I am not my shield. He is my shield. This year I will focus on remembering that daily. I will declare it. I have many responsibilities in God. I am one of them, but not in that way. I am His. It's time to trust. To grow in that. To walk in that.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Razzles
Realized that it's been awhile since my last post ;) Heading to Ottawa tomorrow for visiting, but tonight I'm settled in and watching '13 going on 30' - love that movie. My sister Nenners bought me a package of Razzles quite awhile ago and I loved them! Took a picture of the package immediately, but I forgot to post it... now is the time. Off to enjoy the rest of the flick!
Saturday, 31 December 2011
New Year's coming! Grasping hold with authority.
So, today I've spent some time in the Word, not just with it, as it so often happens. I've just been thinking over the past year and finding holes, missed opportunities and the like, and I've been asking God about what's to be needed of me, of us believers, in 2012. I asked for a word and God kept me circling around authority. Authority is a scary word to most people, and to me in particular, because true authority comes with such a responsibility, a weightiness; It is a service to others and unless we're both properly and fully prepared for it it can be a stumbling block. Prepared means that we are prepared to act in the authority He has given to us and, in that way, to act under the covering of His authority. We can have none of our own - none of ourselves and none of the world's. It is only when we work in tandem with God and have daily dealings and growings in Him that we can walk in it all.
As previously mentioned, the idea of operating under authority, and more recently His authority, has often overwhelmed me. I've so often tried to live an undercover life. The value and strength found in words has been starkly apparent in my life, and since becoming a Christian that has been reinforced in a desire to speak life and not death into people and situations, knowing and being responsible to the truth found in:
Proverbs 18:21
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
The responsibility we're going to be feeling in this coming year revolves around the desire for truth. I don't want to operate in a false authority, I want to ensure I'm walking in His giftings. The whys of the importance of authority over the next year elude me, as I can't see His plans but for some fractal imprints, so I've been praying instead for the hows; For the words and patterns and strengths that I'll need to walk it out. For the verses to carry. I keep landing on the whole of Hebrews 2. At this very moment, I'm stuck like glue to the first verse:
Hebrews 2:1
"For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it."
It's a simple verse. A beginning. A start. I know that growing in God is not a horizontal growth. He continually builds upon what He has already placed in us. His lessons are foundational. They are reinforced every day simply because they are so obviously true. They are steady because He is our Rock. Our truth. Our love. We become steady in Him, in His Word and in living that Word out. The idea of having to pay 'much closer attention' is wonderous and frightening and monumental to me. We can always learn more about Him, but more so in Him. We can always change, grow, and give more of ourselves away to be filled by Him. Every word finds meaning in Him, every action too. Every verse strengthens our understanding and prepares us for more. Recognizing His work in our lives only makes us yearn for Him more. So, with this verse, with bringing His Words and Works to the surface, to the forefront of our entire beings, we bring Him glory. We hold onto Him alone. We share Him freely. We exhibit the gift of authority He has given to us by salvation - and has opened in us through the maturation of faith - and become more in Him.
Authority is by no means an easy task, but if this is the word He has for life next year (and beyond - a 'Buzz Lightyear' reminder that everything is foundational), then I'll walk it out. In truth, it's already begun, and though it hurts to stretch in a new way (and that won't stop), I'd rather grow in God than get stuck in a standstill, because standstills always happen over quicksand, and I'll not put myself in a position where I'd grow distant from the Lord. That's why my encouragement is found in holding Him tight by: paying 'much closer attention', praying, reading His Word, putting on His armour, and just by simply (and complexly and fully) loving like He does. I think that the biggest change to be brought in 2012 is that I'll be more open about living that out - in living Him out.
More on the fullness of Hebrews 2 later... because I'm stuck on it all. Until then, I'll be writing next in the New Year. 2012: bring it.
As previously mentioned, the idea of operating under authority, and more recently His authority, has often overwhelmed me. I've so often tried to live an undercover life. The value and strength found in words has been starkly apparent in my life, and since becoming a Christian that has been reinforced in a desire to speak life and not death into people and situations, knowing and being responsible to the truth found in:
Proverbs 18:21
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
The responsibility we're going to be feeling in this coming year revolves around the desire for truth. I don't want to operate in a false authority, I want to ensure I'm walking in His giftings. The whys of the importance of authority over the next year elude me, as I can't see His plans but for some fractal imprints, so I've been praying instead for the hows; For the words and patterns and strengths that I'll need to walk it out. For the verses to carry. I keep landing on the whole of Hebrews 2. At this very moment, I'm stuck like glue to the first verse:
Hebrews 2:1
"For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it."
It's a simple verse. A beginning. A start. I know that growing in God is not a horizontal growth. He continually builds upon what He has already placed in us. His lessons are foundational. They are reinforced every day simply because they are so obviously true. They are steady because He is our Rock. Our truth. Our love. We become steady in Him, in His Word and in living that Word out. The idea of having to pay 'much closer attention' is wonderous and frightening and monumental to me. We can always learn more about Him, but more so in Him. We can always change, grow, and give more of ourselves away to be filled by Him. Every word finds meaning in Him, every action too. Every verse strengthens our understanding and prepares us for more. Recognizing His work in our lives only makes us yearn for Him more. So, with this verse, with bringing His Words and Works to the surface, to the forefront of our entire beings, we bring Him glory. We hold onto Him alone. We share Him freely. We exhibit the gift of authority He has given to us by salvation - and has opened in us through the maturation of faith - and become more in Him.
Authority is by no means an easy task, but if this is the word He has for life next year (and beyond - a 'Buzz Lightyear' reminder that everything is foundational), then I'll walk it out. In truth, it's already begun, and though it hurts to stretch in a new way (and that won't stop), I'd rather grow in God than get stuck in a standstill, because standstills always happen over quicksand, and I'll not put myself in a position where I'd grow distant from the Lord. That's why my encouragement is found in holding Him tight by: paying 'much closer attention', praying, reading His Word, putting on His armour, and just by simply (and complexly and fully) loving like He does. I think that the biggest change to be brought in 2012 is that I'll be more open about living that out - in living Him out.
More on the fullness of Hebrews 2 later... because I'm stuck on it all. Until then, I'll be writing next in the New Year. 2012: bring it.
Friday, 9 December 2011
Picture Cruising
I was looking through some of the blogs I follow and found this picture:
I really like it. I like that it says semblance. I like that the whole reason for this blog is to not live that. To not be broken up and patched together, but instead to be mended and made whole in God. Guess I liked the reminder of what this really little internet space means to me - just what I'm working in and through and towards.
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| From http://designismine.blogspot.com from someone else. |
I really like it. I like that it says semblance. I like that the whole reason for this blog is to not live that. To not be broken up and patched together, but instead to be mended and made whole in God. Guess I liked the reminder of what this really little internet space means to me - just what I'm working in and through and towards.
The world has broken people in it - so many people - and it likes it - in so many ways it makes it easier to attack and 'understand' and ignore them - us - it's complex, but we call it simple - so that we don't have to deal. It's much harder to attack and 'understand' and ignore those who are saved and healed and mended and whole - people try - but it's so not of this world. I guess that's the point, or rather, it's how we become the arrows that point towards the God who saves. It's impossible to do that alone, or by our strength, instead it has to be His...
1 Peter 5:10-11
"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen."
Wow - Amen it is. This verse is what it means to be whole to me. To struggle, most assuredly, but to be set apart and to be changed in God. To follow clear directions - because God's voice is always clear and firm and unshakable when we are willing to listen - and then to be like an arrow for others just because we know that all that love, well, it's for all and also all for Him.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Surely... not a "don't call me Shirley" airplane reference (that movie's not cool enough to make it further than right here)... longest title of one of my posts EVER... I could go on... it's longer than what I had to say... I added this later... because mobile Blogger tried to kill my ""'s... EPIC fail... I showed them...
Blessed. By God. Surely. His first words to us, in Genesis 1: 28, as well as in so many other places in the Bible, such as this:
His forever promise. His words stay the same. He is steady. He is our Rock. Forever promises are the very best - especially because God is outside of time and in this promise he swears it to us by Himself - He actually backs this promise - doubly ours! Wow. The service tonight: The Fullness of His Blessing
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