Thursday 17 May 2012
8th Niece or Nephew
On March 1st of this year I was told an amazing thing - my sister Sarah and my now new brother Jeff were going to have a baby!!! I've been counting down ever since - today's t-145 - I'm so excited for them... and to meet their little. Yesterday she had her ultrasound and found out that it's a baby boy! I already love him muchly. I love that she could text the picture to us. I love that I can get a glimpse of him whenever I pick up my phone. I love that he'll be my fourth nephew. I love when Sarah sends me updates! I can't wait to meet him!!! Until I can though - I'll just check on his cute status by looking at these:
Wednesday 9 May 2012
This Year.
238 days left. Sunday services left me hit pretty hard. See - God gave me two things. The first was a remembrance of this year - that it was a call to walk in Kingdom Authority. I spent time in prayer on the 31st - I blogged about it and it was confirmed in the service. I knew it. I didn't protect it though. Within days I started getting hurt - letting that call get undermined. Months. So many things. See - I felt so lost - like I couldn't get ground in any area. Truthfully I couldn't - I can't get anywhere without God. So I stayed stuck. Service was about hope. I've been walking out of some different things lately and I went into Sunday better than I've been in awhile. Steadier in Him. During praise and worship God told me some things... cemented them really. He told me that we were a third of the way through the year - that things could change - that I could refocus onto Him... that I hadn't lost all. I pulled out my calculator right away (total dork moment - at least it was on my phone :P) - and I looked at my countdown. I countdown a lot. It makes things feel closer to me, but this time it made things farther... it gave me time as it is... a moment of knowing His order. This year of mine - it will still be His.
The other thing that pretty much floored me were the words 'base' and 'zero'; I was trying to figure out what that meant and I got stuck - He said the connections in my life would go to that. I'm only familiar with it being a 'Hunger Games' reference - when people to made to look like they would with no imperfections and also no enhancements. That it's a type of balance. I looked it up too - it came out as a budgeting issue [www.merriam-webster.com/.../zero-based
Definition of ZERO-BASED: having each item justified on the basis of cost or need] - it's about balance too. The thing is I have pictures of people in my head. Pictures of the people in my life - of where they're to be in God; but it's difficult because I know them - and emotionally I just want them there now. It becomes hard to see the history in people and see them struggle in the present... to feel it. Instead, He wants me to drop my ties, so to speak, and yearn for His will. That's a tough one. It feels like giving up, even when it's really about lifting up and giving to God. My hands are not His and I want the best... I want them in His hands. That was such a release on and in me. I can't even describe it.
The other thing I've really faced lately is an unwillingness to deal with where I'm at and with where I want to be. I've woken up at 6:30 almost every single day - to do some thinking that I didn't let get done. The past week I've also been kept up by the fact that I should be writing and processing and growing. God has really been chasing me down - having to sneak in to meet me, instead having free reign. I've not let myself spend time thinking on Him. I've been praying and reading His Word, but doing those things without thinking isn't doing those things at all, because it's not a determined giving to God. I had basically struggled myself into an unworthy mess of a person - simply because that's where I go without Him... a complete idiotic scheme that takes you further from God and into more pain and then into even more unworthiness. These are the cycles that the services spoke about. I think it was the day before that got me first though - see, on Saturday I remembered; I got down to the big question I always get to (the one that everyone has - however different it may be). Saturday I chose His truth. There is much of this year left. There is much of me left for it. There is hope. But most importantly there is God... always. I don't know how to end so many words (especially because I'm so not putting the time into editing); With Him and His plans I guess... that's something I always need and want to always want... it's the cycle that I was made for - that we were all made for - Him.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
The other thing that pretty much floored me were the words 'base' and 'zero'; I was trying to figure out what that meant and I got stuck - He said the connections in my life would go to that. I'm only familiar with it being a 'Hunger Games' reference - when people to made to look like they would with no imperfections and also no enhancements. That it's a type of balance. I looked it up too - it came out as a budgeting issue [www.merriam-webster.com/.../zero-based
Definition of ZERO-BASED: having each item justified on the basis of cost or need] - it's about balance too. The thing is I have pictures of people in my head. Pictures of the people in my life - of where they're to be in God; but it's difficult because I know them - and emotionally I just want them there now. It becomes hard to see the history in people and see them struggle in the present... to feel it. Instead, He wants me to drop my ties, so to speak, and yearn for His will. That's a tough one. It feels like giving up, even when it's really about lifting up and giving to God. My hands are not His and I want the best... I want them in His hands. That was such a release on and in me. I can't even describe it.
The other thing I've really faced lately is an unwillingness to deal with where I'm at and with where I want to be. I've woken up at 6:30 almost every single day - to do some thinking that I didn't let get done. The past week I've also been kept up by the fact that I should be writing and processing and growing. God has really been chasing me down - having to sneak in to meet me, instead having free reign. I've not let myself spend time thinking on Him. I've been praying and reading His Word, but doing those things without thinking isn't doing those things at all, because it's not a determined giving to God. I had basically struggled myself into an unworthy mess of a person - simply because that's where I go without Him... a complete idiotic scheme that takes you further from God and into more pain and then into even more unworthiness. These are the cycles that the services spoke about. I think it was the day before that got me first though - see, on Saturday I remembered; I got down to the big question I always get to (the one that everyone has - however different it may be). Saturday I chose His truth. There is much of this year left. There is much of me left for it. There is hope. But most importantly there is God... always. I don't know how to end so many words (especially because I'm so not putting the time into editing); With Him and His plans I guess... that's something I always need and want to always want... it's the cycle that I was made for - that we were all made for - Him.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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