Dross.

Well, hello my friends. Its been such a long long time... hahaha... song stuck in your head. I thought it was about time to write a post, especially after the somewhat dramatic nature of my last one. It's tough saying what you need to say sometimes, oftentimes really. I needed to acknowledge where I had been, am now, and where I'm to be going in Him (where I've failed to go in the past).

It's been a tough season - I think the more you let God strip away, the tighter you hold on to what you have left. Also, if you're like me - then you may try to either protect or torpedo what you care about - so that it doesn't also get lost... as if He somehow can't differentiate the good from the bad... silly... stupid really. Another form of the 'protecting oneself' battle I have.

I've been a sleepless one the past few nights - been getting sick from a combo of things - it hit me pretty hard last night. My throat swelled up enough so that I didn't really feel like I could breathe (I obviously could, I'm not that sick - I even have a voice right now). I had a choice in it. I could've panicked - almost did - but I stopped - recognized that it would make things so much worse. I focused on breathing instead. On relaxing my throat and at getting past my dreaded hatred of all things blood. A moment of calm and a moment of clarity. Then this morning I started applying that to my God walk.

I'm in a different kind of a season - one that I don't really want to be in - one that I needed to be in and one that I need to be able to get out of. I'm a sticker, you see; A 'just stick it out'-er. I stay longer than I need to and longer than I should merely because I can survive things. It's not that I should do so; It's that moving forward requires risk and I am no risk taker. I'm a rule follower and a worrier.

Am I so obedient to myself and my worries that I can live a disobedient life before God? How can I pretend that worrying will add to my life when He says in His Word that it will not? I know the time to step up is coming. I can feel its timing rolling in. Will I let worry and fear take that timing, His timing, away? Or will I dwell in these verses that have comforted me today?

Isaiah 1:24-26
"Therefore the Lord says, The Lord of hosts, the Mighty One of Israel, 'Ah, I will rid myself of My adversaries, And take vengeance on My enemies. I will turn My hand against you, And thoroughly purge away your dross, And take away all your alloy. I will restore your judges as at the first, And your counselors as at the beginning. Afterwards you shall be called the city of righteousness, the faithful city."

--> His hand against me. Not in that scary I'm going to die right now way that I first read it. In the way that turns a situation around. In the fact that God is ridding us of what He hates. He will 'thoroughly purge away our dross'. Our dross. The dross that we hold onto and the alloy that we could build more upon. Dross. Junk. The world in us. The love God is a love that surpasses our junk -

He created us and sees us as we were meant to be. He loves us enough to require change - to push us into our destiny. He loves us enough to hate what He cannot be. He can't be anything but good, so that is what He desires of us. That we would choose Him over what may seem easy. To choose Him over that which would trap us and destroy us - to choose Him over everything else. We can become trapped in so many different things and situations; We can also be trapped in the way that I've been struggling - trapped in our very selves.

Those traps are the dross that need to be pulled from us. Those situations are tied to us - they're part of us that shouldn't be part of us. They can't co-exist with God. That's why this section of Isaiah hit me hard today - because it says 'thoroughly' and not partially. I know that the places in me that have wounds such as these do not have God in them... they couldn't exist in the same space as Him. He would burn them away - He will burn them away. They're coming up to the surface - dross always does - I looked it up - I get that - the only questions in the matter is how quickly will I bring the dross to Him. How quickly will I choose life and wholeness? Will I willingly go through death of self? Isn't that what a Christian does - chooses to live for Him as He died for us? How quickly will I reach for Him? How often? I hope always and forever. That's a long time to learn and a long time to get better at it; Sufficient in going to God. Sufficient just means adequate and enough. Just - I wrote it and it's how we say it. We use words so wrong today. Sufficient isn't settling... it isn't about being a 'stick it out'er - its about being whole. That's what this blog is all about - being whole in Him. So, here's to saying goodbye to more bits and pieces and giving way to Him instead.