Position.

     It's been awhile. Quite awhile... well... quite awhile for a writer to not write. I've always thought of myself as a writer, a reader, a word person, a storyteller. I've always been protective of those titles though. Never wanted to say them out loud. Never have. I always deemed it as 'too risky' to share... too close to the vest... always needed to protect my identity... who I am inside the bubble of what I appear to be. I do that with pretty much everything... it's one of the things that makes living for Christ so difficult. See, He loves the real me... He made the real me... then I stepped in. I protected, changed, and lost. He whittles us down though - He's not really a fan of fluff and stuff. He gets us down to a child of His - that's when we can really live and love like Jesus. I never really connected that with the whole hopes and dreams bandwagon, but it's a total God tandem...  as with everything in this fractal world. There are things that have been put aside, others that have been put down, and still more that have been railroaded for my protection. I'm getting ahead of myself... too far.

     Tonight I wanted to write something small, but something big too. See, I've been struggling with some stuff lately - stuff that is small that I've let get big. It's important, but actually not. This has all been my preface (sorry about that). Lately I think I've just let them hit hard - and refused to deal. Tonight though, I had too. In the membership course at the Church. Not that I had too, don't get the wrong idea about that (:0), but that it was time I started to deal. I did. I still am. It'll take some time. Anyways, in confronting some things, God gave me a picture in my head, actually it was a reel. It was me in a house, lying on the ground, looking up through this telescopic window (?). I was looking at the stars, or at least I was trying too, but the light pollution was too bad. The lens just kept zooming closer, until I finally (like after a reaaaaallllllly long time) got a clear picture of those stars. At first I tried to analyze the scene... I failed... I always do that way, because there's no way I could know. Then, God just told me. I was where I put myself and the zoomed close-up version... that was where He wanted me. He's working on that... mostly because I'm finally letting Him. One step at a time.

     I really didn't want to write this. I really didn't want to think. I really distracted myself from Church until now so that I wouldn't have to write this... so that I could pull a 'I have to sleep' excuse out. He really wouldn't let me. So, all I can tell you is that God's working and all I can really share are the three verses that hit me hardest today:

2 Corinthians 11:14
"And it is no wonder, for satan himself masquerades as an angel of the light"

--> I've been praying about this - about the light pollution that I saw. See, light pollution is man-made, and it only masks. It reminded me of the follies of the world - of the things we attempt to do without Him and of the things we try to let take God's place... none of which will produce anything capable of even withstanding His presence, or any fruit of any kind. This I know - satan cannot create, at most, he can deceive, but getting close to God, means shedding those lies, because:

John 1:4-5

"In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light shines on in the darkness, for darkness has never overpowered it [put it out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it]."

--> Just wow.

As for the last one - Pastor Edith gave us these sheets with verses about God's Glory Light, and this was the first on the list:

Genesis 1:16

"And God made the two great lights- the greater light (the sun) to rule the day and the lesser light (the moon) to rule the night. He also made the stars. 

--> I didn't read that verse until after. Stars have always been important to me. I always thought of God when I looked at them. As early as I can remember, I remember that. I love them. They've been promises to me. This verse reminded me of that. I can see the sun and the moon so clearly, whenever I wish, but not so with the stars... there's a timing about them... a lining up... a fractalness.  To me, this verse holds the wonders of what He'll show us... if we let Him. 

Words out. I am getting some shut eye this early early morning.

Oh... and here's that 'God and light and warmth' triumph video I love... just because... I'll post this again and again...