Its been quite awhile since I've written. I hate when that happens because then I just lose focus - I lose mapping out what God has done, is doing, and will do. I lose part of my walk with Him - part of how I dwell in Him. Part of studying; of seeing His order through fractals. Fall changes that though - I know it's a season of things dying, but it breathes life into to me. It's like the 20 odd years of adjusting to the school system kick back in - bringing me into 'teach and change me' mode. I love it. The definition of Christian to me is dying daily, so I won't play catch-up in the neverending changes that've happened - I'll be them instead and talk about what is happening.
I've been dealing with junk again. The dross that comes to the surface when it's time to deal with it. Its a continual thing, part of His plan, but there are seasons when its more evident. When it's a deeper rooting out. The past few weeks have been like that. The phrase 'I'm at the end of my rope' kept looping in my head yesterday. I had gotten to the end of many ropes in this changing season. Now my questions had narrowed to one: where do I go from here?
I pictured it as a yo-yo. All these ropes were strings and chains and just plain bondages - and were attached to me... I was the puppet on a string. Option unhelpful: roll back up. See that surfacely looks best - it looks like you bounced back... like you're where you always were. You're not though because you've willingly - lets use stronger words - willfully chosen to be bound. You've rolled yourself over and over right up into a trap.
You know about the issue - you can step into control - you can keep it under wraps - you can swallow it down. It's still there though. There are always cracks in the surface - glimpses of what's really happening - of the pain and the troubles. Things we don't want to acknowledge - the junk that is a virus that spreads out when we don't deal.
I don't want that uncontainable junk in me - I want an uncontainable God flow instead. Choosing to not deal is throwing aside your second choice: God. It denies His role in our lives. It dishonours Him. God brings up issues in us in the right time - when they're supposed to be dealt with. When you get to the end of a rope it's about letting go - asking Him to cut us off from the junk that holds us back from being all that we are called to be in Him.
Living for God is messy, but it's our mess - its our junk coming to the surface and giving way to His order. We have to determine to live in Him - by His word and His will. I want faith - I want my actions to be for Him - to be alive in Him, not dead. Dead to myself and to my junk, but alive in this my God who's my all. I don't want a yo-yo to define my life; I want His plumbline to. I want His Word to be a level in my life - I want Him to be the weight in the decisions I make, so that they'll be His.
Amos 7:7-8
'Thus he shewed me: and, behold, the Lord stood upon a wall made by a plumbline, with a plumbline in his hand. And the Lord said unto me, Amos, what seest thou? And I said, A plumbline. Then said the Lord,
Behold, I will set a plumbline in the midst of my people Israel:
I will not again pass by them any more'
Galatians 2:20-21
'My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.'
--> I can't keep myself in check without Christ. Every plan or dream that I could live out would be nothing if it was separate from His purposes. They would be dust... I would be dust. He's my living God and I thrist for Him.
Galatians 3:3
'Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?'
--> The control in 'bouncing back' - definitely worth avoiding - I don't want to live outside of the Holy Spirit. I don't want to try, and ultimately fail, to meet my own expectations when I'm to be living His.
Still learning, but for now I'll leave you... so that I'll be refreshed for services tomorrow.
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