Where I've been at.

     Now there's only 82 days until Christmas is here! I've been a stranger lately - just been a little off. Wasn't really doing the things I was supposed to be doing. Anyways, I've been reading Isaiah lately and have just been using it to push against some lies. They're the same ones as always, but it was still a difficult thing to go through. I kept getting stuck on Isaiah 50:4 and on the fact that God wakens us every morning. I just never thought of it like that. I know that God is the why and the how and the everything behind our lives, but I didn't ever make that 'day to day' connection. I should have, but it was just so outside of my thought patterns. I am alive everyday because of Him. I can't tell you the amount of pressure that verse put on me. I grabbed it emotionally, not spiritually. That's so wrong. It really highlighted the way I read the Bible... and more importantly the way I need to read the Bible. It's so important to know His Word and to not tie our worldly understandings to it. The world has nothing on the truth and light of that book. You invest in it, you tie yourself to it through the Holy Spirit, you follow Jesus. I really needed to change some things. I really needed my approach to be different. I really needed to spend some good quality time in prayer and in praise meeting Him before I could get close to His Words.

     This post is my example to and of myself - I picked up that verse that God wakens me daily and I absolutely freaked out - I felt completely worthless - kept asking myself 'what do I do that qualifies me to live a day for Him?' I have so many days I classify as wasted and often feel incapable of making a difference. I started asking myself whys - the whys of everything in my life and of every choice I've made. I started laying on the blame. I started feeling stuck in the mud. It's so funny the cycles we go through - I've talked about this in 'Mud sticker. Bicycling in faith mishaps.' - and that was something I struggled with in May! Different lies to deal with, but the same reaction: all of a sudden I wasn't able to move - I couldn't get out of the life that I was stuck in. I couldn't see any order, let alone God's. I dropped my fractal viewpoint and that was stupid; Seeing the world in that way changes everything for me - it's the way I keep God close - the way I let Him in. I live for God and then say that I'm stuck - how does that line up? It doesn't - it's the world in me vs God. It took some time for stubborn me to surrender. I love that He lets us surrender though - every time it fills me with the awe of choosing Him. I also love that my surrenders happen sooner than they used to - that I'm less resistant to Him.

     So there it is - my admittance of an only emotional God grab - one that couldn't possibly work. I'm glad I dealt with what I've been dealing with now though. I'm thankful that this will strengthen the way I enter into God's Word. Here's why:

Isaiah 50:4

"The Sovereign Lord has given me His words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning He wakens me and opens my understanding to His will."

--> Look at how much I missed. I missed the scope of His words. He wakens me, not because of worth, but to deposit His will into me. To open my understanding of Him. That means morning by morning He wakens and helps me change and grow in Him. That's not a lost day, its a gift He gives us all!!! I grow in Him daily... there is nothing that I want more than that. I can hold onto that, onto Him. My future will line up and my current worries will dissipate; I'm sure I'll grab some more - but I'll put them back down in Him. When I get close to Him, they get burned up by necessity. Wow - quite a change in perspective isn't it?

Isaiah 43:13

"From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done."

--> I am His. I will always be His.

Ephesians 3:17

"Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong."

--> His roots. His Holy Spirit. His Words. He has many ways to reach us. We have one to reach back - we follow Jesus - the way to Him. Then, God's love overtakes all and its as this verse describes - we're rooted and strengthened by it. Such love. He is. That's all I can say - He is.