I'm having sentence structure problems today. I'm a sicky and I'm all over the place, but I wanted to put some time into this. It usually takes me about three times working through something to know it. I read a book that way: once to get to the end (impatient much - I read the end first too, so it's just about the details at that point), twice to just enjoy it (I've slowed down at this point), and the third time to know it - to be familiar with it (I feel like there should be another set of brackets here... even though I don't have anything to add). I always have to do that with the things of God. I am deliberate, Holy Spirit led, but I want a foundation too. It takes a service about three days to sink into me. Three days to make sure it's deep enough to last. Three days to write it on my heart. Then, the further processing begins (I'm weird okay). I start trying to line up my actions. I fail. I try again. That's why it's a process.
Sunday was Sunday. I don't know that I can equip words that would rightly explain it. I don't think I'll try. I don't want to change things. I will share about the tunnels though (because you haven't heard enough about them :P). It's a perspective thing. I can't handle all that God has to show me sometimes, so He gives a small piece, and then that's expanded. At the right time - the right moment - the right season. I've been thinking about plumb lines (again, hilariously obvious). Plumb lines are steadiness. The purpose of a plumb line is to rightly align our lives to God. They're amazing. Not so useful in a pendulum state though. In fact, they're just about as dangerous as can be. In a pendulum state, the plumb line is not weighted enough - not full of God. It becomes our measure, not His.
What can we build without a Godly plumb line? One of those Jenga towers of dust and worthlessness; Self-made nothingness. That's sad. And I've been following my own plans for far too long. The path of a pendulum when graphed is squiggly lines - it presents a picture of equal rises and falls - it has no baseline. A proper plumb line is all about a baseline. We are in a time of building and we need to build on the rock that is our foundation in God. I don't want to live a life of equal rises and falls - I don't want every success to be followed by despair and vice versa. I don't want to dig a hole, fall in (or jump - we do sometimes), climb my way out, then start all over again. The key part of that process is that it involves actions we're doing, based on choices we're making. God doesn't want us in cycles such as these. He wants us in continual growth. We live His way, doing His actions, and we cannot be trapped - because it's not about us alone, but us in Him. It's about us pointing to Him. It's the only gift we can give Him, because when we do so then we've given, are giving, all. All for Him.
2 Samuel 22:3
"My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence."
--> He is our everything. He, by His Son, saved us from the living death that comes from not knowing.
It's so big, but what else is there? Pain from the absence of Him. He's there, but we would be trying to be separate from the true definition of love. See... sad. I love that story about proofs and absences - my sister has it on her office wall - I had it in a journal in grade 7 when I first gave some time to thinking about (but ultimately not knowing) God. Here it is in foreign language video form:
Onto the tunnels, and explaining how pendulums and plumb lines and narrowing fit in this. Okay, so in my tunnel vision, there was a gird. It was a plan for people to have God moments. Many, many, perfectly timed God moments. An area of influence in this the cause of Christ. A persons path would meet another persons and there came a possibility for change or growth, for steadying. All tunnels were full of God-combustible material. Some were lit with God's Holy Spirit fire. Others were dormant. When two such tunnels met, there was a choice. An action to be had. One determined by Him. I had many God moments before knowing Him. They were perfectly timed and placed. They stayed with me even when I tried desperately to push them away. He was with me when I tried to be without Him.
The thing that really hit me during praise and worship on Sunday though was the width of the tunnels. Mine went from wide to narrow innumerable times. I knew that the narrow times occurred when I let God take control. It scared me how quickly that was lost though. I am deliberate and those wider times were me deliberately not letting God in. I want the narrow times to be dominant in my life. I want Him to be in control. I want that against my flesh. I want that against my stubbornness. The wide times were pendulum times, times that I lived according to my measures. The narrow times were God times, filled with the steadiness of having His plumb line, His Word, reign in my being. The really cool thing was the fractal pullback - it was the look I got of the gird with the new wide/narrow tunnel differentiation - it was that every single of those God moments happened when both lives had narrowed towards knowing God. I like that. The pre-saved God moments I had happened when I was questioning my life, when I was questioning whether to live for God. I knew He existed, but I didn't know how close - I was weighing my options.
Seasons are funny funny things sometimes, but they're always mapped out. God is in control. He's got us. I like that. I also liked getting these Whack-a-Lisa moments on Sunday. Well, maybe like's not the right word exactly, but I do like moving forward in God. I have a lot of lost time that Jesus covered for me, but my choices now are deliberate. I'm no longer ignorant of the things of God. I'm no longer lost. I'm no longer a child in Him. Growth is the off spurt of knowing those things. It's time to build a foundation on which to stand until He returns.
Matthew 7:13
"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it."
--> Narrowed to His purposes. Stripped of the worldliness around us. Ready to walk in the path towards Him.
2 Timothy 2:19
"Nevertheless, the firm foundation of God stands, having this seal, 'The Lord knows those who are His,' and, 'Everyone who names the name of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness.'"
--> I want that seal for always. I want to be in His Hands. I want my name in His Book of Life. I want my path to be narrow and in pursuit of Him. I want this for my family, for my friends, for my co-workers, and for the lost I see everyday. That we could all choose to have this everyday. Every single day. We who were created and loved by God, rescued by Jesus, nudged and whacked by the Holy Spirit; Choosing Him over and over again.
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