I went to a Katie Souza conference this past weekend. It was amazing. It was so for God. I felt both so prepared and scared for it. I had a rough Thursday and Friday morning and I was set to leave at noon Friday. To be brutally honest with myself (and with you), I'll admit that I was freaked out. Freaked out about going to my first conference, freaked about finances, freaked out about stepping forward in God, freaked out about going with people I didn't know well, and mostly freaked out that I had no exit strategy. Freaked out! Ahhhhhh! But, God is God. He was firm when I wasn't able to be. He shaped the time I spent earnestly seeking Him; When I try to shape that time myself nothing comes of it because I'm not really seeking Him. Katie Souza's teaching on soaking was interesting and powerful. I got a lot out of those 2 days and it's worth applying to everyday.
Oh, for once in my life, it's hard to explain what happened in writing. This is difficult, so stay with me. I think I'll just talk about what I pulled from it. Friday night I was just terrified. Flat out. It was good, but I was scared. I started taking things in though. All of a sudden, what I'd been worried about in the preceding days fit - I got clarity. I knew the whys - the whys behind my worries. That's a definite time to move forward in. I did that on Saturday. I got things logically on Friday, but on Saturday morning I grasped 'em spiritually. Everything came together! Everything that I've read and heard from The Bible, Third Day Worship Centre, Paul Hegstrom and Katie Souza combined and linked together into a mega hammer of God and smacked me with His truth. I love that. I love seeing more of His whole (I love fractals!!!).
Okay, I won't tell everything because I can't write for hours and because I'm not crazy enough to try. Anyways, I wrote this post called The Red Sea: Closed. in May. It was that. It was everything I've ever learned about and from God in one hit. Katie Souza said roar (I'd picked that up from Pastor as a keeper word during altar time from way back then, then we got that crazy powerful 'Roar from Zion' song, and it's been in my head and in my heart since!). She told us to roar. I'd been waiting for God to close the sea for me. God wants me to open and close some doors on my own (once again our Third Day church services have been crazy aligned) - but I'd never seen that task (the roar close) as my responsibility. All of a sudden, it was so so so clear that it was on me. This was a move I made for myself; One I made to get closer to God. I did. I roared my past closed - not audibly, but with everything in me. It was like I could finally breathe. As previous post mentioned before, I finally changed my address. Nenners thought that would play a big role in my faith - it totally did. Crazy. Anyways, wow. Then, there was an atonement offering - and I giggled the whole time - it was for tithe-eating (personal and generational); I paid half with my money and half with some of my parents. Whahaha! Another bit of my past bites the dust. I felt refreshed.
Saturday night was cool too. There was a lot of knowledge dispersed. I want to listen to all of her teachings. They so encourage people to grow in God for themselves. To mature and move forward in God, by no others push, but by our very own desire to change in Him. I like. Then, we soaked. We focused on repenting and bled the blood of Jesus over generational and personal sins (about seeking the roots like in Paul Hegstrom's teachings). Then we turned to the glory and power of the Resurrection to heal those wounds (again like Third Day's services about healing with the Holy Spirit, about filling what had been emptied of sin). Then, and only then, we were free to control what goes in and comes out of our soul. We were given our full inheritance in Jesus, by both His death and His Resurrection. Crazy. In soaking, we just spent time seeking God. I've been doing this for a long time - I like spending time thinking through things with God, but I got something new from this too. While thinking of Christ's death on the cross I had a vision of myself getting lightly showered in His blood. I've had that from since I was saved, but because this was also focused on my past before Christ, and on my family's past (like every single member), I feel like I finally had a blank slate. I feel like the time I lived before knowing God has been redeemed. It's not weighing me down anymore. Both my own past and the pasts of those who've been in my life (and the blood line that furthered it :P) are no longer weighing me down! There is such a freedom in that. In thinking about His Resurrection, I saw a glimpse of the old Christian me, the new one, washed afresh. I felt like I'd just had that happen again (by His blood), then I saw Jesus. I just saw His face getting brighter and brighter until it encompassed all of me. Everything, drenched in Him. It was powerful. It was cool. It was a jump start in my tunnel. I'm excited for what's coming next in God. I'm still a little scared, but at least I'm not being pulled down by as much as I was.
I'm good with the soaking upkeep, but I wasn't able to overhaul the 17 pre-saved years of my life without this 'Soul Healing Conference'. This was yet another God-given fresh start. It was a whole one though and I think that's new - IT IS - it's the first time I've moved forward in God without feeling gut-wretcheningly sick - it's the first time my family and old friends didn't have a voice in my head right after it - it's the first time I've stepped forward for myself and didn't feel an immediate pull from the past and from the world. I'm just so excited! Anyways, it was a great weekend. The God moments, the people, even the drive - awesome. I'm glad I went, but mostly, I'm glad I came back changed.
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