Stars in a Box & Action Words

(Note to you my readers: I've back-dated this post a day, because my phone was having publishing problems near yesterday's midnight)

Random I am sometimes. Was exhausted tonight so I went to bed early... Yes yes... Why am I up? Valid question. Answer: I looked outside my windows and saw real stars. Immediately I yesssed... night swimming possibilities. How though? I'm 24, but my parents would kill me. Mr. Si would be devastated (not much to envy though, bud). I was cut off from my swim gear so I donned a full set of clothes (I did just watch the Phineas and Ferb pool rules), and went down the ladder quietly into the lake. I lasted about 5 minutes. It freaked me out being alone in the water. It sucked. Even the stars disappointed me - they used to be right overhead, with a bit of light pollution on 1 side. This time, half the sky was light. It took me the past 10 minutes to face the truth of the situation though. I failed my night swim. I've felt trapped for so long. Stranded in the life I call my own. Sometimes it's an urge to leave, followed by the 'lack of car' realization, then followed once more by a 'lack of further options', sometimes it's the no-future job that anyone could do, sometimes it's the social awkward box I put myself in constantly, and sometimes it's something entirely different. In every situation, but for God, I've let myself be trapped. Not the way to live in Him. I faced that tonight in the realization that I restricted myself even in freedom. I couldn't even swim without expectations. I've been reading Job in my dailies... I've read about him calling for a mediator between him and God. I've been reading about him crying out for an advocate, calling on Jesus. So often I fall back into the world by choosing the mess that is living without being worth His sacrifice. I'm not, but by living a life that doesn't recognize it, I'm essentially disowning it... disowning Christ's role in my life. Though it's done unintentionally... it's done - and now I know it... there's no ignorance to fall back on with that one... it would be childish and just plain stupid. Moving forward. How I don't know yet. I have been thinking about bridges a lot lately. I always thought of the path to God as being a path, narrower of course, but looking like the other paths we could choose from. Now I keep seeing it as a bridge, recognizing Jesus's role as mediator between us and God. A bridge - my only option in this life - my only want - the safety point in our tumultuous surroundings. This huge, complex, and stunningly beautiful bridge. Everytime I think about it there are more signs pointing the way. Like NEON flashing lights! Everytime I read the Word another one's built. They're all about directions... EVEN being as directionally challenged as I am, I know the way I want to go. I've read this the past couple of days:

Job 9:33
"Nor is there any mediator between us, Who may lay his hand on us both"

--> We've got Jesus now!

I like this one too:

Job 34:3
"Does not the ear tests words, As the palate tastes its food?"

I like it. It reminds me of how we're called to dwell in and understand God's Word, and how we're to write it on our hearts.

Deuteronomy 11:18
"You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead."

--> My heart and my soul! I want that sign. I want that seal.

Proverbs 3:3
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

--> Heart heart heart. I want things to be steady in me. I want His Word not only in my heart, but on it; I want those words, the Word, to be protecting what goes in and pulling out what needs to be cleared from me.

Jeremiah 32:39
"I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and for the good of their children after them"

--> My action words. Our call. This is how to move forward. This is my plan, but not my plan at all. This is His plan in me. That I can put my trust in. That I can have freedom in - freedom in Him and in all that is good... freedom to cut off darkness... freedom to keep myself out of a box.

Night!

P.S. - From Pinterest