Baptism & Having a Voice

February 20th, 2011 10:22 PM

Baptism. Me. Only took 6 years. 6 stubborn long painful years of dictating God's role in my life. That always works out right? Since I moved here there's been a work in progress sign in my mind. I'm not okay. I wasn't okay on my own and I never will be. I need to live fully for Him. I came to Kingston not having ever been to a Church regularly and it hit hard. I was a stubborn baby Christian that had failed. But He still loved me and when I asked to be pushed here - when I fasted and prayed that I would have the opportunity to grow three times faster than I would have it so - He hit me hard. And I'm joyful in that. I couldn't even say the name Jesus. Couldn't name someone who had given His life for me. What a sad place to be. Far from His desires and from the real desires of this heart of mine. Pastor talked this morning of giving our voice to God - not just with words, but with our full voice - with every action we take and just with all that we are. I just felt aligned with God's purposes and it was amazing. This was a message that my spirit had been crying out to me since I moved here. Literally the first service I went to after officially moving to Kingston Pastor called out for the congregation to cry out the name of Jesus. I couldn't do it. It was like being pushed back into my childhood stutter - the words I desperately wanted to speak out were being stolen from my mouth. It was a physical pain and what a heartache - I couldn't voice the name of the One who had saved me, who had died for me. I was under attack and I knew the that getting my voice back would be my next giving over to God move. And I've always known that being baptized publicly would play a big role in that. My voice. So full of stutters, carrying a hatred of public speaking, and unused for anything that had meaning in my life - a voice such as this was to give glory to God. To give Him glory for everything and for the salvation I've been lovingly given. God has been tugging on me since I was a child and each time I would say not now, not yet, I'm still young; This was the way of my Christian walk too - stubborn is the word - when I'm ready is the game. Waste of time is the reality. Since I became a Christian I've known that one of my greatest struggles, perhaps the greatest of all challenges I may face, is turning this stubborn spirit into a steadfast heart. It's a part of my name and rooted deeply in me - when I love I love loyally and for always and my faith needs to be rooted in that steady love of God. I am consecrated to Him. This baptism means that - uses my voice to do that - not just for now but for always and forever; For eternity. I declare that I will stop being a fractional Christian and will start living wholly for Him.

Psalm 51:15
"O Lord, open thou my lips; And my mouth shall show forth thy praise."